apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
