Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
