I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
