bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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