She announced her abortion via fbk
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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