Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
