do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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