I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize