def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I yelled at your uterus for you.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
