he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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