Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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