dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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