Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
