you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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