I can text with my tongue
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize