hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize