I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
