nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
