Having a random hookup so left but love u
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
