so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
