but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You need Xanax blowdarts
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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