With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
