Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Two words: blizzard sex
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
