I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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