oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
