Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
