It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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