SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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