Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
