I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize