i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
