I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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