You don't have asthma, your pregnant
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Help. Why am I so naked?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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