HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
