imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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