i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize