Life is so much better after having sex.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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