dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
