it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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