Can i not drive my cunt home
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize