Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
