How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
