dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
