you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
