Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
