i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
