im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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