He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Bring me that man meat
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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