I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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