Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize