a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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