Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
