I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
