What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize