I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
