He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
