Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
try to milk me bitch
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