It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
