How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize