please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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