my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
