i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize