Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
