ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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