I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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