what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
