there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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