Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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