Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
