I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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