what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
