I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
