Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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