Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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