it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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