You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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