I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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