dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
found the other keg... it's in the tree
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
