K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
