Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
